I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
