a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
im on a boat
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