:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
