you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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