Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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