smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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