I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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