Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
