worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
