3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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