I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
