when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Randomize
