What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
