Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize