im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
