therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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