Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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