i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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