yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
