when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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