i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
