The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
