Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
