PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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