I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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