i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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