just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
