Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
