he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
