a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
this is an emotional support booty call
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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