what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
