I feel like abortions should bother me more
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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