There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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