The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
