Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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