do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
