ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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