so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
