i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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