I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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