Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
