I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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