cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
