he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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