apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
