we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Couch. On fire.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
