I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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