i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
