dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
