Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
