Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
