A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
