This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
