drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
