id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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