the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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