We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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