... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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