I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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