We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
