guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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