I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
