i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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