god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
