at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
