I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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