It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
