C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
