Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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