found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
