I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish I only lived at night.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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