I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
