I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
