My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize