I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
