Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
