My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am one with the molecules
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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