Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
