Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
